


Bright Lines: On trust & boundaries in S2

by Hagar



Series: On Becoming [2]
Category: Killjoys (TV)
Genre: Boundaries, Gen, Meta, Morality, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hagar/pseuds/Hagar
Summary: Three related metas on boundaries and interpersonal interactions in S2.





	1. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adapted from [this](http://hagar-972.tumblr.com/post/147538615534/meta-1-dutch-alvis-heres-the-thing-with-how) and [this](http://hagar-972.tumblr.com/post/147638332904/so-the-thing-that-gets-me-about-this-scene-is-that) tumblr posts.

Early S2 casts Dutch and Alvis’ relationship in very specific terms. In s02e0s, when Alvis is weighed down by despair and self-hatred to the point he can no longer find meaning in living, he steps away from suicide as a viable option on Dutch’s judgment. In s02e03, when Dutch can’t tell reality from hallucination, she picks based on Alvis’s word. These aren’t the terms of love; it’s not _love_ that’s necessary, to for Dutch and Alvis to make the choices that they do. Trust is.

In terms of power held over another person, this sort of trust is more basic, more fundamental, than many kinds of love. It certainly makes an interesting comparison to Dutch and Johnny’s relationship. Johnny hits the nail on the head when (in S01) he compares Dutch and himself to siblings, specifically in the context of sex. What makes incestous relationships so destructive to a person is the way they blur and deforms the boundaries of the self.  Johnny grew up in a dysfunctional household, having to fulfil roles a child shouldn’t; Dutch had to kill, run away half across a galaxy and choose a new name for herself to have a shot at defining her own life. Dutch and Johnny met when she broke away from Khlyen, and before she had the chance to start at a new life. Johnny is the line where _Yalena_ ends and _Dutch_ begins; he’s the core around which “Dutch” shaped her self. Dutch and Johnny are, in many ways, each other’s beginning - and these are much the same ways that siblings are. To add the  sexual to the intimacy between them would indeed be as harmful as incest it.

 _“I’m not trying to save Westerly, Alvis; I’m trying to save_ **you**.”  
_“We’re a package deal.”_  
\- Dutch and Alvis, s01e10 _Escape Velocity_

Alvis’s relationship with Dutch is different. Her life already had Johnny in it, when she and Alvis met. (Perhaps they haven’t had Johnny in them for _long_ , but the difference is still meaningful.) “Dutch” comes into the world sharing Johnny’s need to run and shaped around his rescue drive and her guilt. (Compare what she says to D’avin early in s01e04 _Vessel_ with her actions from s01e10 _Escape Velocity_ on.) But the Quad isn’t the one she grew up in, both literally and figuratively. Maybe this is the shape of what Alvis - possessing a worldly understanding and insight we otherwise only see in _princesses_ \- is for Dutch: communicating the world to her. (There is no competition here: _Dutch_ could only come to the Quad because _Johnny_ found her first.)

 _“Stay safe.”_  
_“Stay you.”_  
\- Dutch and Alvis, s01e10 _Escape Velocity_

And what is Dutch to Alvis? Early S2 brings his demons to the fore; it seems that he’s been waging an internal war against despair and self-hatred for quite some time, his weapons being faith and (controlled, regulated, self-chosen) self-harm. But rising from the ashes of Old Town, this stopped worked as well, or is no longer enough; he took in too much pain, _caused_ too much harm. This show, from its beginning About Consent, stays true in noting that though post-trauma is caused by helplessness and the betrayal of trust, what one is responsible for - or one believes oneself to be responsible for - causes harm just as deep, as what one was (or believes oneself to have been) helpless in.

 _“Believe that I am not leaving here without you […] So if you wanna save me, you’re gonna stand up [and] get your shit together […]”  
_ \- Alvis to Dutch, s02e03 _Shaft_

If human experience is a space, then Dutch and Alvis are both at the far reaches of it, in the scene from which this quote is taken. He’s suicidal, deep in depression; she’s undergoing what’s essentially drug-induced psychosis. People often feel lost, that far out; lost, entirely alone, or both. Dutch and Alvis are neither of these things. What they are to each other lets them tether one another, even at these extremes.

Alvis doesn’t suicide, on Dutch’s judgment. Dutch chooses reality over delusion, on Alvis’ faith.

If there is one thing more important than a life, it’s the purpose of that life. Alvis may as well have handed Dutch his, when he gave her his ritual knife; that act was an admission that he can no longer find purpose in the faith. What lets him find shelter in it again, turn suffering into merely pain, again, is taking Dutch’s quest and adding it to his. That’s _joy_ there on his face and in his body - excitement, life - when he comes in to tell Dutch what he found. She damn well knows that wasn’t there hours before; she knows what it meant that he handed her his knife, and she knows what it means he’s there now with his face all lit up about a scroll. It’s also been merely hours since she chose what world is real to her - from within what amounts to a _psychotic break_ \- on Alvis’ word. And in that context (and given the foundation of the cores of their selves _not_ being each other), sex is another way of saying what they are to each other, of affirming it, a way that writes the comfort in deeper and in a more lasting way than words alone can. In that context, romance is superfluous.

 

* * *

 

 _“Believe that I am not leaving here without you, even if it means we die together.”  
_ \- Alvis to Dutch, s02e03 _Shaft_

What Alvis does to get Dutch back, what he says, is not caring in the usual sense of the word. What he does is ruthless; it’s a horrible thing to do to anyone, and particularly to someone with self-worth issues and a high rescue drive. Alvis would know that intimately, being that sort of a person himself; and soon as Dutch got her brain back, she’d know that he knew, that he understood exactly what he was doing.

It’s ruthless, but it isn’t cruel. Several parameters combine to make that. The first is that Alvis is acting in Dutch’s genuine self-interest - she’s the purpose to his actions, not the means. The second is that Alvis has good reason to believe that once Dutch is lucid, again, she’d accept his methods. The third is skill: weaponising empathy is never easy or simple. Alvis’ skill is remarkable: he may be ruthless, but he’s not unkind. The edge of his actions - his words - is wrapped up in so much gentleness that its sharpness is not immediately noticeable.

That he threatens suicide might’ve made this unacceptable anyhow. But given the number of times Dutch pulled him back from suicide’s edge in their immediate past, at that point in time, there’s good odds that without Dutch he wouldn’t have survived anyway. Alvis knows that, and Dutch would soon as she’s lucid again.

What Alvis does isn’t caring in the usual sense of the word, but it _is_ caring. It’s sharp and it’s ruthless, but it’s also kind. It’s manipulative, but it isn’t reprehensible in the ways manipulation often is. There’s a word for the attitude, the emotion that Alvis shows, here. That word is _compassion._

 


	2. Bright Lines I: Helplessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter adapted from [this](This%20chapter%20adapted%20from%20<a%20href=) and [this](http://hagar-972.tumblr.com/post/149330832059/i-have-markedly-unfashionably-late-with-this) tumblr posts.

_“Do you really want him to lose that?”  
_ \- D’avin to Dutch, s02e04 _Schooled_

When D’avin was torn down in s01e05 _Glitch In the System_ , it’s Dutch who could meet him there and pull him out; Johnny flipped out, and his attempt to talk with his brother wasn’t all that successful. He didn’t do any better when, in s02e03 _Shaft_ , it was Dutch huddled on the ground, holding a knife to her stomach; that time, it was Alvis who met her there.

It isn’t that Dutch and Alvis - accordingly - kept their head where Johnny lost his. It’s the _reason_ that Johnny “I can fix it” Jaqobis, so attuned to other people and quick on his mental feet he managed (while still recuperating from major injury) to negotiate with and defeat both the hostage-takers and Company troops in s01e08 _Come The Rain_ , can’t handle these specific situations.

There’s another kind of a situation we know Johnny’s not much good for: persons in their mid teens or younger. Johnny’s people skills cut abruptly around late teens. Consider in s01e04 _Vessel_ : Johnny engaged with that one girl through her expertise - and lost her when it came to her emotions. Compare with Dutch, who suspiciously awaited someone in the total institution of the covenant to turn on the others, and contrast with D’avin, who _met_ those girls and emotionally engaged with them in their own territory.

And it’s entirely about empathy, recognizing vulnerability, and meeting those girls on their own level: in response to Dutch wariness, D’avin _defended_ the girls - and like Johnny’s gamble on Olan in s02e04 _Schooled_ , D’avin wasn’t wrong. What was it that Jenny said, to which Johnny had no reply? She said: “They’re my sisters.”

 _“Not everyone is as hard as you, Dutch.”  
“I didn’t start out this way.”  
_\- D’avin and Dutch, s01e04 _Vessel_

 _“He gave me hope when I needed it most.”  
“The only credit Khlyen gets is for the bruises along the way.”  
_\- Dutch and Johnny, s01e09 _Enemy Khlyen_

 _“You came out clean.”  
_ \- D’avin to Dutch, s01e04 _Vessel_

Faced with a reminder of Dutch having been a child, Johnny rejects wholesale the idea that forces outside of herself may have shaped her; the only “credit” he’s willing to assign to her caretaker of then is for _damage._ D’avin speaks a different language. He brought up Dutch’s strength as a gentle rebuke, not very different than his “That’s what makes us a great team” talk; his response to Dutch’s reply - that she hadn’t _always_ been hard - was to step back, watch, and think.

Note D’avin never _denies_ that Dutch had once been other than hard. The opposite, even: he’s protective of the child she used to be, as evident in “How did that happen?” in response to her reveal (that she killed as a child) in s01e07 _Kiss Kiss Bang Bang_. This is the opposite of Johnny’s statement, quoted above.

Maybe Alvis was responding to this, too, when he engaged with Johnny over religion and gave him the Book: not only Johnny’s need and chosen _commitment_ to Fix Things for no other reason then they exist, but his inability to cope when he _can’t_. There’s a line at which Johnny stops fixing things and start shooting people instead; what happens when a plasma torch - or a bolt gun - to the face are not an option?

Think of Johnny by the galley table in s02e01 _Dutch and the Real Girl_ , explaining Clara’s “shield” to Dutch; he doesn’t deal well with his own helplessness, either. Others’ helplessness is where his ability to engage _with_ them ends: D’avin huddled in the corner, Dutch on her knees, any person under 15.

Dutch isn’t great at it, either; her willingness to meet D’avin there is an exception rather than the rule. She does it in the very episode after D’avin offers her the judgment of her having “come out clean”; maybe D’avin is her exception because he was willing to meet her - to show compassion for who she was - there, first.

 

* * *

 

There’s a moment, in s02e08 _Full Metal Monk_ , when D’avin has to choose either Dutch _or_ Johnny. His face twitches, and in that moment, it’s as if he swapped his whole self.

D’avin has never been an independent adult, in his life before s01e01; he ran away from his childhood home to the army, then events with Dr. Jeager and the killing of his squad went down. D’avin ending up on a slaver ship is not unlike the statistics about persons going into sex work, and past sexual abuse: it means the living arrangement with which D’avin could cope is one where someone other than him makes all the decisions about his life. It means D’avin was lucky Dutch decided to keep him - and that she could help set him on the path to being able to handle more independence. (Being kidnapped by Khlyen in the S1 finale turned out surprisingly good for his developing independence; it says something of what his resilience was like, before killing his squad wrecked him.)

That’s what that twitch was: D’avin realizing the situation, and putting away everything that wouldn’t help him weather it. Pushed into a metaphorical corner, D’avin knew he’d do badly belonging to Johnny: both because D’avin can’t deal with the dissonance of that being his younger brother, and because of Johnny’s own limitations in dealing with his helplessness and other people’s vulnerability.

It takes some significant strength, to be able to directly meet those things in others, let alone in oneself.

 


	3. Bright Lines II: Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter adapted from [this](http://hagar-972.tumblr.com/post/149330832059/i-have-markedly-unfashionably-late-with-this) and [this](http://hagar-972.tumblr.com/post/149377059319/that-center-of-gravity-line-friend-ive-been) tumblr posts.

_“You’re my gravity, Johnny Jaqobis.”_  
\- Dutch to Johnny, s02e05 _Meet the Parents_

“He’s the goddamned center of gravity.”  
\- Alvis about D’avin, s02e08 _Full Metal Monk_

The similarity between the two above-quoted lines stand out, given how little similarity the two relationships (Dutch and Johnny, and Alvis and D’avin) seem to have. Yet this might make sense, if the specific _shape_ of the latter relationship is considered.

Much of the interaction between Alvis and D’avin (not just in this episode) may be understood as flirting. It’s a kind of flirting that may or may not have something sexual at its core; flirting is fundamentally about getting and maintaining someone’s interest, not necessarily their _sexual_ interest. Notably, D’avin has a similar dynamic with Fancy; it suggests that this may be rapport-building on his side, an attempt to establish the sort of a connection necessary to fight alongside someone.

But what of Alvis’ side?

A person in that situation who knows their judgment is compromised will often seek other persons they can use as yardstick. Alvis knows that his judgment is compromised; he seems to be battling a depressive crisis for much of S2, and it may well be that’s not his first. Early in the season, he can no longer find shelter in monkhood and is passively suicidal/death-seeking for a while. Even when he puts his robs back on, he’s leaning on Dutch’s quest to find meaning again. Consider that The Company had used Alvis’ campaign to hurt Old Town - and then Alvis had gone and nearly gassed Spring Hill. It’s in the wake of that that Alvis couldn’t don a monk’s robes for a while; Alvis’ S2 crisis centers on _morality._

D’avin was the first one to go after Alvis under Spring Hill - more than that, he _had a rescue plan._ That’s not just Military Prepared; it’s not even “just” the bulldog-like hypervigilant caretaking of a good sergeant. It’s a behavior rooted in habit and practice, something _way_ more ingrained and general than liking (or disliking) any particular person. D’avin doesn’t just “shoot people”, as he unflatteringly summarized his role on the team in s02e04 _Schooled_ ; he’s also the one who, at a glance, has every possible threat mapped and from that moment _constructs rescues._ In s02e08 _Full Metal Monk_ , where Dutch and Alvis are confused by the old monk’s wish to die and attempt to talk him out of it, it’s D’avin who speaks from a position of empathy and affirms the old monk’s right to choose his death where he had no control over the last 200 years of his life. Indeed, D’avin even phrases it in the language of agency and choice.

To a person who doesn’t trust their moral decision-making - neither with the safety of others nor with their own - D’avin is a rock in a storm. D’avin may be a short-tempered low-social person who’d rather people fuck off and leave him alone, but he also has _boundaries_ , and his entire moral landscape is constructed so he won’t end up accidentally crossing those boundaries, not even with the shit combat-stress does to people. (This runs too deep to be something he only began to develop during his service; my guess is this is rooted in an identity-deep commitment to not being like “[his] father, the Sheriff”, who most likely took out the stress of his job on his kids.) D’avin may not be averse to a bar brawl as stress relief, but he’ll also pummel a harasser or a bully, has _really_ clear opinions on the matter of consent and agency in general, and he’ll get the good kind of righteously upset and angry when the rules of war get violated.

Bright Lines are a decision-making strategy for situations where error is likely and the cost of it is high. (You can look this up; it’s a real-world Thing.) A “Bright Line” is not to be crossed, no matter what, no argument, no _nothing._ D’avin’s lines on the matter of agency and consent are hard, bright lines. To a person recently shaken, struggling to find meaning in life, doubting their decision, struggling to stay alive another week - to someone as distressed as Alvis is, in S2, D’avin would indeed be a center of gravity.

 


End file.
